Biting Two Year Olds
Wednesday, February 20th, 2008Dear Dr. Claire
I have two year old boy/girl twins and I am running into some issues with biting. My little girl does it most of the time but my boy also gets into the act on occasion. They bite when they are frustrated and they bite hard!
I try to tell them that biting is not acceptable and for the most part when my son does it he understands he has done something wrong and will apologize to his sister. The same is not true however for his sister who just looks at me with a glazed over expression when I try to talk to her about it. What is the best way to reprimand for this behavior? Are they too young for time outs and do time outs really work? Signed Ouch!
Dear Ouch!
It can be so upsetting to observe our toddlers bite and hit each other and want to teach them to stop. I find it is more helpful to look at this as an opportunity to help them learn how to cope with and regulate their BIG feelings. Remember, at two they haven’t learned to identify the thing they are experiencing in their body is actually an emotion.
Initially these physical actions are the only way their nervous systems know how to discharge what can seem to a toddler to be any overwhelming experience, the surge of their emotions. That is what they need us for.
What we want to do is teach them how to cope with and regulate their feelings rather than punish them for having them. Remember, at two they don’t have the conceptual to skills to discern that it is action we don’t like, not the feeling. Timeouts, when used properly, can be an effective way to help a child calm down, but at two you want to sit with them and not leave them alone. So despite how uncivilized this behavior seems this is a prime opportunity for you to help your child begin to learn how to regulate their affect, which is one of the central developmental milestones of early childhood.